No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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