i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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