I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
