what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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