yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
