I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
