yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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