I'm going to jail i love you
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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