Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
