It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
