can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
