When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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