Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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