Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
