never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize