my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
