It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
