he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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