so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
