So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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