I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
