Tell her she can't have a vagina
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
