Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
