I got chris browned last night
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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