Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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