I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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