Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
