so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
