Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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