this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
