just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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