Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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