and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
