Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
