I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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