Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
