I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
