Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
