I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize