he told me I talked like a deaf person
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
