You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
