I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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