Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
