Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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