omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
