i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
