in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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