mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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