K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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