I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
