I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
