so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Pooping to opera.
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