he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize