we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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