just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
