epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
