Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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