wanna go halves on a baby?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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