no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
