if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
