the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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