There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
