Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize