I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I know her cup size but not her name....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
