she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
