He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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