I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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