i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I am midnight drunk by noon
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
3 2 1 whiskey
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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