Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
