Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
