she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
