i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
