did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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