a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
