I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
