i think i have two assholes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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