Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
