Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
