i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize