My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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